Letting Go
I've had six blog-free days, six PC-free days actually, three for a family wedding and three for a business conference with enforced single-tasking.
And during the three days of my business trip, I had lots of time to think.
I thought mostly about our children, about what the future will be like as they grow up, move on to college, and ultimately leave home. Like most parents, the thought of our home without the kids is one I find hard to accept. But the time is getting closer and closer - our son is a senior this year, our daughter a sophomore. Really, in a blink of an eye they'll be off on their own.
And for me this means the time has come to consider my involvement in reunion with our children's families. I need to step away and let our children make the decisions about if and when they reunite.
A couple of weeks ago my daughter and I were talking about her first family, and she commented that, although she wanted to know them one day, she wouldn't want it to be now. I gently asked if she could say why, and she honestly responded that she didn't feel she could handle the emotions at this point in her life. She seems to recognize that her teen years are turbulent enough.
A part of me wanted to encourage her otherwise, to pass on the urgent hope for reunion that I've held in my heart since she and our son arrived. Yet as she voiced her hesitation, I saw clearly that the time has come for me to let go - not to abandon hope or withdraw support, but to simply hand over the reins. This decision has to be hers and our son's.
Our children's families will always be a part of ours. The hope that we meet someday will always be in my heart. But it's time for the search and reunion to belong to them alone.
And during the three days of my business trip, I had lots of time to think.
I thought mostly about our children, about what the future will be like as they grow up, move on to college, and ultimately leave home. Like most parents, the thought of our home without the kids is one I find hard to accept. But the time is getting closer and closer - our son is a senior this year, our daughter a sophomore. Really, in a blink of an eye they'll be off on their own.
And for me this means the time has come to consider my involvement in reunion with our children's families. I need to step away and let our children make the decisions about if and when they reunite.
A couple of weeks ago my daughter and I were talking about her first family, and she commented that, although she wanted to know them one day, she wouldn't want it to be now. I gently asked if she could say why, and she honestly responded that she didn't feel she could handle the emotions at this point in her life. She seems to recognize that her teen years are turbulent enough.
A part of me wanted to encourage her otherwise, to pass on the urgent hope for reunion that I've held in my heart since she and our son arrived. Yet as she voiced her hesitation, I saw clearly that the time has come for me to let go - not to abandon hope or withdraw support, but to simply hand over the reins. This decision has to be hers and our son's.
Our children's families will always be a part of ours. The hope that we meet someday will always be in my heart. But it's time for the search and reunion to belong to them alone.
Comments
For me reunion, making contact was so easy, my amom gave me all the information,I imagine it is not so easy internationally.
But even though the physical aspect was easy, I had my info. they were local, the emotional part, I think it took me 6 months of having the info before acting. And I don't necessarily think it was lack of want, though this is an older person looking back, I was confused and the birth of my son, was the first time I started consciously thinkning about my first mom, when birth became more real for me, and not understanding how my mom gave birth and then signed me away, it brought up confusion and anger.
But I was so young when I did both, gave birth and reunited, I wonder what it is like for those who have different frames of reference, and despite my amom's "blessing" worried a lot about hurting her, in fact am not immune to that feeling today.
Erica