Wise Women Speak

KimKim wrote this post a week ago and I totally forgot to add it to the last don't misses (it's there now). This is important - a-parents especially please read what Kim has to say. She makes it crystal clear that mothers who place their children in adoption love them. I'm not sure how anyone comes to believe otherwise, and this post will put that idea to rest once and for all.

And Suz added this comment to my last post - it is the clearest explanation of why the phrase "first mother" is so appropriate. I would add one more thing - that the ones who are living the experience have the right to choose their own title.
I am personal fan of first mom.

However, my belief is rooted in a more Hellinger approach. Adoption messes with the natural order of a family and importantly a mother-child relationship. This disruption in the family constellation has far reaching affects on all members of that first family.

First mom is nothing more than giving respect to the chronological order of things. As such, yeah, the adoptive moms are indeed the second moms. Any attempt to deny that is well, just denial and probably an amom who is pretty clueless about many adoption related things. Any mom who is so consumed with her own insecurity and her own "ranking" in the childs life is doing things in the best interest of herself and not in the best interst of a child, IMO.

Anyone who gets upset with first mom (and presumably makes a connection to "second mom") should be reminded that parenting or adoptive parenting is not a "race" to see who comes out on top and in "first" place.


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