Knowing My Limits

There has been continued discussion about the issues I pondered in my post Unranked a couple of days ago. Would adoption exist in a perfect world? If it must exist, is one type of adoption better than another for a child? And what does that mean for the adoptive family? Sster, Abebech, Dawn and Shannon all have more to say, each with a different spin on this complicated and important topic.

But Paula's post The Runner-up is Always Hardest on Herself took all the discussion and turned it on its head. Please read it. It is very important to hear and understand what she says. It adds a critical dynamic to this discussion - one that was essentially absent from all the previous posts, mine included. It adds the voice of the adoptee.

What Paula says is that the feeling of being "second best" may be something no adoptive parent can relieve. The thought that my children could be feeling this way is heartbreaking, absolutely heartbreaking. But I recognize that it may simply come with their adoption territory, and is something I won't be able to "fix."

This won't stop me from advocating for my family - my children need that validation. But I'll be more sensitive to the signs that might be telling me that they themselves are feeling something different. And although I have no silver bullet to take those feelings away, I'll be there to let them know I love and support them.

Comments

Mom2One said…
I had the same reaction you did. That just broke my heart, because it's so not true that Nate is second best, but he may go there too as he gets older. And despite any of our reassurances, that thought and those feelings may still linger. *sigh*

Adoption is nothing if not complicated.
abebech said…
Hi Margie, I couldn't get one of your links from your post to work, though the important one (Paula's) did.
Thanks for bringing this to our attention. I'll be posting the link to it too.
Margie said…
Thanks, abebech, I think I fixed it - let me know!
Rebecca said…
Margie, I love you for knowing that your kids need validation. It's so important and yet many times the value of it is underestimated. Love Paula's posts. Hugs, Rebecca

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