When new adoptive parents talk about adoption

Joy has a post up about the Scott Simon interviews that you must read.  I wish he would read it, but something tells me he has enough people giving him attaboys to keep him away from any consideration of  serious issues for a long time.

A friend respectfully suggested that maybe we shouldn’t beat him up so much.  He is a new adoptive father, and is expressing publicly what many adoptive parents feel when they first adopt.  I remember that intense feeling of love that hit me with every memory of my children’s arrivals, and it is powerful.  Very powerful indeed.

What I don’t understand (and have said before - sorry to keep beating this horse) is how a journalist for a respected media outlet wasn’t more tuned in to the reality of intercountry adoption.  I'm not saying that only journalist APs have an obligation to talk to all facets of the adoption experience.  I'm saying that someone whose words will spread far and wide, because they have the strength of the media behind them, should be particularly careful about what they say.

I’ve been struggling with my decision to adopt for a long time now, and recognize my role in the process.  It’s clear to me now that with the support of society, fewer women will decide to surrender a child.  My children may very well not have been my children had the world offered their mothers and families that support.  I still grapple with, had I known then what I know now, whether or not I would have still adopted.  I believe that with complete information my decisions may not have been the same in each case, although at the end of the day I also know that the strength of my desire to be a parent and the persuasiveness of the win-win argument were incredibly powerful.  So at the end of the day, I just don't know.

Maybe Scott Simon will get it one day.  Maybe he, like Rick Boas, will have an ah-ha moment that spurs him, with his considerable resources, into action to  raise awareness of the pain and sorrow and grief of his daughters’ mothers, and raise resources to make it possible for them to keep their children.  Maybe he’ll recognize that he has the power in the adoption equation, and will start working on behalf of the women of China who are pushed to surrender their children, instead of pushing a book that promotes the status quo.

We’ll have to wait and see.

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