Voice of Love or Love Misled?

It’s all over the internet, particularly the online Korean adoption community: a new campaign urging the Korean government to change its current plan to continue to reduce intercountry adoptions each year until 2016, at which point they will end.

Called Voice of Love, the campaign is led by Onnuri English Ministry pastor Eddie Byun, who is based in Seoul, and Hope for Orphans leader Paul Pennington. The campaign is seeking 30-second videos “describing how Korean adoption has blessed your life,” which the campaign will post on its site to deliver a message to the Korean government that intercountry adoptions should continue.

I’m an adoptive parent, and it is absolutely true that my life has been blessed beyond belief through the adoption of my kids, both of whom are Korean. Life without Sweet Pea and Big Guy? Does not compute, simply does not compute.

I know that had they grown up in a Korean orphanage, it is possible that they would have been denied the educations that are giving them the opportunity to craft solid lives, and that their career choices would have been very limited. Korea isn’t always kind to people who grew up without families and lack a hojeok that makes their lineage clear. I wouldn’t wish that on any child.

So why would I withhold my support for this campaign? Because it is misleading. First of all, the magic word popped up in Paul Pennington’s comments – orphan – which simply does not apply in the context of Korean adoption. The vast majority of people adopted from Korean in recent years, certainly since the 70s, aren’t orphans at all. They are the children of unmarried women or of families who found themselves unable or unwilling to care for them for any number of reasons, poverty being at the top of the list.

The reason there are so many children in orphanages in Korea today is because Korean society rejects and discriminates against unmarried women and their children and does not provide sufficient social support for families in need. If these attitudes were to change, a couple of things would happen more frequently than they’re happening today: unmarried mothers who want to parent would be able to find work without fear of job loss if their single mother status is revealed (as this single mother's testimony demonstrates), and more Koreans in Korea would adopt.

I hate the thought of Korean children growing up in orphanages, because I see my own kids in their faces; it is heartbreaking. I’m therefore no longer going to shy away from the criticism that needs to be made very clear to Koreans in Korea and right here in the U.S.: your attitudes about bloodline simply have to change. Confucianism and lengthy history of family homogeneity are no excuse for the discrimination and downright ugliness that is often directed at mixed race Koreans, unmarried mothers and their children. It is wrong, and you need to change it.

I do not judge the good intentions or good heart of Pastor Byun. But I am saddened that he is using his pulpit, which is clearly supported by a considerable following and considerable resources, to perpetuate the status quo. Adoption from Korea is far more complex than any 30-second video could convey. I’m pretty sure that this campaign will have little effect on the Korean government, but will instead serve to further polarize the already polarized Korean adoption community.

I for one have had enough polarized debate to last a lifetime. I’m ready for change, and urge Pastor Byun and everyone promoting adoption from Korea to direct your energy to the real work: changing discriminatory Korean attitudes toward single mothers, their children and domestic adoption, and improving social services for families in need.

For an adopted person's perspective, read this excellent post by Joy Lieberthal.