Focus on the work

Although I'm past hwangap, I'm the first to admit that I have a long way to go to maturity. I take things personally when they aren't meant that way, I get hurt easily, and I burn bridges - all of which have been exercised frequently here in online adoptionland.

Why then, you may think (particularly those of you who have been supportive of my challenged online life) would I keep going here when my efforts always seem to end badly? Why not just get the hell out of Dodge and go live my life?

Because I'm not in this alone. My kids are in this with me, and they deserve a mother who does what she can to right the injustices she has participated in. It doesn't cut it for me to say I didn't know all this bad stuff went on or Our adoptions were ethical (which I know isn't entirely true anyway). There are injustices happening right now, and I can't just walk away.

I have tried too hard to speak for others rather than myself, though, and have been too afraid of and affected by the negative reactions that come with online life. I need to figure out how to avoid these pitfalls and get beyond them, once and for all.

Adoption is personal to all of us. To me it is about conscience: the choices I have made and continue to make, and whether they have been, are and will be ethical. It is also about the people I hold deepest in my heart: my husband and my children.

Whatever I may write or do in the future cannot betray either. That’s a challenge, but I will keep trying. I'm a little hopeful that losing the Third Mom persona, which is attached to an important memory of my son, and writing under my real life name will perhaps encourage a different sort of dialog. I hope so, because there is so much work to be done.

Comments

Susan P. said…
Margie, as an adopted adult, I so appreciate your hard work and your thoughts. Working for reform is exhausting, and the resistance is sometimes staggering -- I have to step away from the whole thing sometimes to rejuvenate myself, and I haven't been at it for nearly as long as you have! Amanda at Declassified Adoptee recently said working for change in the adoption world is like planting seeds. Even when we don't see tangible progress, we never know where those seeds may sprout. I try to keep those thoughts in mind when I ask myself why the heck am I putting myself out there? I just know that for me, as an adopted adult, being treated like a second-class citizen by law is not acceptable. And for all the adoptees to come, I'd like to see that change.
Margie said…
Thanks, Susan, you are so right. Maybe what I need to start doing is thinking I could really pull away entirely, and just give myself the occasional timeout, openly. I think people would get that.

"I just know that for me, as an adopted adult, being treated like a second-class citizen by law is not acceptable."

Yep. I do it for my kids. At the end of the day, they're the ones that really bring me back.

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