Mothers’ Day Monday: A good day for adoptive parent action

Mothers’ Day is a complicated time for everyone living adoption, especially mothers who have lost children to adoption and to the children they lost. As Lorraine Dusky of First Mother forum expresses it, for many, if not most, first mothers this day is bitter without any sweet. Add “Birth Mothers’ Day” to the mix, which is typically marked the day before traditional Mothers’ Day, and the weekend becomes perhaps too loaded with emotion for any woman to bear, never mind a mother of adoption loss.

We adoptive mothers are, I think, a sharp stick in the eye of those who have lost children to adoption, perhaps always, but especially at this time of the year. Some of us share our joy with a nod to the loss or focus on how we honor our children’s mothers, but others demand the right to enjoy the children we have adopted like any other mother enjoys hers. In the past I have expressed my Mothers’ Day feelings in all of these ways. Looking back, all of those attempts seem at best lame, and at worst insensitive and hurtful, in spite of my "good intentions."

I suggest a different approach. I suggest that we adoptive parents, adoptive mothers in particular, use the Monday after Mothers' Day weekend to take special action in support of single mothers. Whether you are an adoptive mother who has adopted in her home country or from another, your dollars and voice can promote and support the organizations that are working to preserve small, fragile and vulnerable families.

Make a donation. Write about an organization you support that’s working on the ground to help women parent their children. Volunteer your talent and time to that organization. Share your support and action with other adoptive parents to encourage them to step up, too.

My children are Korean, so I would like to shout out several organizations working to support single mothers in Korea:
These are just four of the sponsors of Single Moms’ Day in Korea, which took place this past Saturday in Seoul. Even though the 2013 event is over, there are ongoing costs to defray, as well as planning expenses for 2014. It's a remarkable event, one I hope I can attend one day. Until that’s possible, I can support those who are doing the work on the ground with my words and dollars.

Please do the same. Offer your support today to organizations that help women do what we adoptive mothers hold dearest to our hearts: mother their children.

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