We could do so much better

This makes me sad:

That adoptive parents who on any other matter can see injustice are blind to it in adoption.

Last week I spent some time in an online conversation with some individuals and organization leaders who support #BabyBox (es). By Friday afternoon, after a couple of comment discussions, I had a raging headache and was as frustrated as I could possibly be. The discussions were polite, so the headache wasn’t the result of outright insult. It was more a matter of feeling like I was talking to a wall – and a male wall at that.

The themes were dropped into the conversation in what felt like a scripted response: “these women” have no other choice because Korea shames them so badly; they have already abandoned their children in their hearts; they are making courageous choices by finding the baby box and bringing their children to it; they would murder their children if it weren’t for the boxes; anyone who opposes baby boxes therefore doesn’t care about children.

If there ever was a time at which it was clear to me that anonymous abandonment was a women’s issue more than anything else, this was surely it. There are a lot of people out here who truly believe that Korean women facing unplanned pregnancies will do one of only two things, by nature, by their own design and by that of Korean society: abandon their children or murder them.

My greatest frustration in this conversation is that it pushed me into a corner. I am staunchly in favor of more parenting support for all unmarried mothers, but I also know that some women will not parent or are too frightened to try. I would like to have more discussion around the middle ground: what we need to do to encourage more Korean women to register their children, or even what steps can be taken right now by those who facilitate anonymous abandonments (since Korea appears to think they're a great idea) to give children their identities and to promote more openness.

I simply think we could do better.



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